Loving Yourself

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2017 was a year for making huge changes in my life that i knew would benefit me for many years to come. I found myself single and was curious as to why I hadn't met someone yet. It started to get to my head, I felt as though i had so much to offer, where was mister right? I was urning for a companion. Even though I was alright with being alone a huge part of me felt something was missing. I missed having someone to share memories with, someone to accept all my flaws and imperfections. Someone who just accepts me for who I am. But something shifted inside of me, do I accept all that is me? Or am I just needing someone else’s approval? I realized that I can't just sit here and dwell on the fact that I haven't met someone yet, I already had been in four serious relationships perhaps it was time to fully embrace putting myself first for once. If I kept stressing and worrying about meeting someone then I was just going to end up with someone that wasn't right for me. Perhaps I would have wound up attracting someone who didn't fully love themselves either. So that day I said enough is enough, the universe is gifting me this precious time to dig deep into what it fully feels like to be alone. Sounds scary right? No one really wants to be alone. But once I came to a point of falling in love with hanging out with myself, the thought of wanting someone became less and less prominent. I went out into the world learning ways of how to be more of me and am still continuing to dig deeper and deeper into myself everyday. Its amazing what you can learn about yourself when you spend time with you. I started doing more solo dinner dates or even went out for casuals at the bar alone.  I found myself spending most Sunday mornings hanging out at the farmers market, engaging in new conversations and fell so in love with my community it really is something special. I also made sure that I was fully engaged in the moment at all times. Not on my phone, staying present. Perhaps listening to all the chatter, needless to say I became quite the people watcher haha watching the endless amounts of local music Kelowna has to offer. Being right up front, soaking in the artists creativity, energy and love they put into what they do. I even planned a solo trip to Seattle, what a rewarding experience that was. The cool part of going out alone you always end up running into someone you know anyway or since you’re putting yourself out there it gives you the opportunity to meet new people as well. We’ve lost our ways of communication, we’re scared wondering what others will think. We’ve become so disconnected. I learnt on that trip the importance of not being afraid to strike up conversations with anyone, learning to say hi and introduce myself to those I normally wouldn't have. Today, I make it a conscious effort to acknowledge all those around me whether Im on the bus or I’m going for a run, or getting groceries. Saying hello is one of the easiest things you can do and it not only makes you smile but it puts a smile on their face too. You never know what someone is going through, most of us just want to feel accepted! We are all brothers and sisters, we’re in this together so lets find a way to become reconnected as the beautiful human beings that we’re born to be. By embracing this feeling of uncomfortableness and learning how to sit with my emotions, I found a way to not judge or put a label on what ever it was that I was going through. I then instead allowed myself to observe my experiences as the “watcher,” and felt my emotions just pass through me, instead of becoming attached to them. We are constantly in a state of fight or flight and are always going through experiences that can cause pain, suffering, love and or happiness. What do you choose to hold on to? Shouldn’t we be seeing all emotions as a gift? It’s what makes us human! I started to find myself becoming more of the confident woman I had wished to be. I was creating new friendships and felt so much love all around me. I was loving life and all that it had to offerOnce I came to a point of literally thinking you know what? I don’t need anyone in my life to make me happy, why be loved by one person when you can be loved by many! Then that’s when I met Brad haha.

Alysha FaulderComment